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Letters Sent to Us from the Public

Articles by Joel Martin

Articles by Margaret Wendt

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Compliments Do You Get Enough Of Them?

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Over the week end I overheard two young women in the bathroom at the movie theater talking. One young woman was putting on her lip gloss and after she finished she told her female friend her lip color looked fantastic on her. Her friend replied, “So you say” and she washed her hands. So the young lady took off her lip gloss and put a new color on and said to her friend “Doesn't this color make me look fantastic?”  Her friend looked over at her and said, “Not really”. So the girl took off her lip gloss for the second time and then put on a new color and said to her friend “I bet you wish you had this lip gloss color to wear!”  And her friend looked at her and said, “Personally I think that color pales you out.”  This made the girl asking for compliments very angry and she said “Can't you just admit that I am prettier than you?”  The young lady replied, “I don't see you as being prettier than me, I see you as being needy and constantly wanting compliments all the time and pushing people away from you, including me”.  She continued, “You need to get over yourself!” And she walked out of the bathroom.

I started to think about people overly needing approval and recalled a conversation I had with my grandmother when I was a young girl about people needing compliments. I remember my grandmother telling me once that someone who needs approval continuously feels unloved.  She said people who ask for compliments continuously are not feeling good about themselves and no amount of outside approval will ever do the job of making them feel better.  She said they just have to accept themselves as they are. I remember her telling me this because I had a friend who would daily ask me “don't I look beautiful?”  After a while I became annoyed at myself for constantly trying to prop her up so she would feel better. It didn't matter how many times I told her she was beautiful, the next day she would ask me again.

Finally one day I asked my grandmother one more time, why a person will consistently ask to be complimented? And my grandmother said when people are insecure asking for compliments they are saying they don't think they measure up and they want my reassurance they are okay and I approve of them. She said when people ask for a compliment it will not go deeply into them. She said as people grow and mature if they have proper guidance and assistance from parents they start valuing themselves more.  She said, “Next time your friend asks you if she is beautiful, tell her you think she's great, you think she's beautiful and when she starts to think this way more compliments will come to her without having to ask for them.  And then give her a bug hug.”

I learned a lot from my grandmother. She helped me with my own self-esteem issues so that I would stop seeking approval from others. I knew if compliments came to me they were coming because I believed I was deserving of them and not because I was asking someone to build me up.  I think in life we heal ourselves in layers, going deeper and deeper into our awareness of how we feel about ourselves and having epiphanies occasionally along the way. I hope you're receiving compliments and if you haven't received any compliments lately I say go to the mirror look deep in your eyes and tell yourself you are fabulous, you are beautiful, intelligent, loving and giving.  And when the next compliment comes your way you will know you believe that inside!


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It has been brought to our attention that Margaret is being portrayed as a psychic on $1.99 sites. These sites are doing so without Margaret's permission. Margaret has not claimed she is a psychic. - MW