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Letters Sent to Us from the Public

Articles by Joel Martin

Articles by Margaret Wendt

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Keeping a Tally Sheet

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Lately I have been hearing a great deal of talk about how things are not fair, how things should be different which made me start to think about my daughter years ago.

When my daughter was 12 years old I started to hear her say multiple times how things were unfair.  How others got to do things she wanted to do but she was not allowed to do.

At first I tried to use reason.  I expressed to her that at 12 yrs old she could not do what do the same things as older girls did because she was not old enough.  Such as driving a car, she needed a permit to do this and permits are offered to young adults when they are 15.  So she eventually saw the reason to this and backed off of that complaint.

Next it was she wanted to date as her older sisters did and I explained to her there are emotional stages of developing that she would have to go through first so she would be prepared for dating and that right now her focus would be on her having fun with her female friends.  I said now it’s more important to have fun with friends your age, in group activities.  I also expressed the family rules about dating and what the approximate age was for that.  And that’s when I started to hear “that’s not fair!”

I asked her if she thought she was comparing herself to her older sisters and she said no.  I paused so there was dead silence and she said “well maybe”.  I said if I compare myself to another person I will always come up short because each person is created in a unique way.  Their hair color is different, their eye color is different, their height is different etc.  So to compare myself to another is really a waste of my time and it takes the focus off of me and puts the focus onto another.  I would not be able to take charge of my life and make my life better.  I would be giving up my ability to be experience joy in my life and be in the present moment.

She said “well it’s not fair that others get to do what I want to do and I am ready!”  I said “is it the freedom you see that excites you?”  She said “Yes I like that part of it too.”  She said “I want to make all my own decisions myself.”  I said “do you think you are ready to support yourself and get yourself a job?”  And that’s when the light bulb went on.  She said “this is not fair, no one will hire me.”

Because she wanted equality and was very headstrong I decided to use the approach of letting her discover knowledge about fairness on her own privately in her own space.

I said “I’ll tell you what, I would like you to read three small pages on fairness and when you have finished reading this I would like you to write out on a piece of paper what you came away with thinking about fairness.  When you are done you can go out and play with your friends and focus on how much fun you are having.  Will you do this?  She said yes and off she went to read the 3 pages.  It took all of twenty minutes and she came back to me with her piece of paper.  I remember looking at the paper and on it she had written “I need to stop keeping tally on what others do and there isn’t fairness in life when there are separate rules for others.”  As I looked up at her I saw her face filled with satisfaction that she had found her answer herself and she was no longer feeling like a victim.  And from that day forward she has been stronger in herself and has no longer complained about fairness.  What a great day that was!
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It has been brought to our attention that Margaret is being portrayed as a psychic on $1.99 sites. These sites are doing so without Margaret's permission. Margaret has not claimed she is a psychic. - MW