Astrological Answers by Albert Clayton Gaulden

What makes Kathy Griffin so foul-mouthed and outrageously funny at the same time?

Let’s take a closer look…

Kathy Griffin was born on November 4, 1961 in Oak Park, Illinois. No time known.

God, where do I start astro-analyzing someone who’s trashed everybody from the big O (Oprah Winfrey for those of you living under a rock) to Jesus? Although she insults, curses and climbs the Mount Everest of bad taste, she hits some bulls-eyes when she just opens her mouth and slings. Like her or not—recoiling from her repartee as one would skedaddle from a wide-mouthed King cobra about to strike—Griffin deserves my fair and balanced, ‘just the astrologically sound facts, ma’am’, insightful anatomy of what makes this red-headed, attack bitch tick. Fasten your girdles because you are about to enter the spin it, slice and dice the cadaver until we know what makes this broad sing in the key of “*(%&^%$#^% you and the horse you rode in on…”

Ms. Griffin has Venus/Sun/Neptune in the sex-crazed and tasteless sign of Scorpio—not only does she trash talk about sex (most often she is taking her verbal machete to men like Ryan Seacrest, John Travolta who she “outs” as being gay) in the city, in the countryside, on sand bars, bathroom floors and on sinking ships, she will extend the shelf life of the likes of Sarah Jessica Parker, Britney Spears and Liza with a Z beyond their allotted fifteen minutes of making asses out of themselves.

For those of you waiting for the news that she was sired by the Devil and borne by Medusa, keep waiting…and waiting…and waiting. Actually, this flamer has the Moon in Cancer—making her super sensitive and caring and controlling beyond Momma Teresa—trine her Saturn/Chiron conjunction in Pisces (creative, delusional and passive aggressive)—both of which are in great frequency with her three Scorpio planets. Truth be told, she could have been A-Listed, planted on the Red Carpet dishing until Joan Rivers had her umpteenth face lift or died—whichever came first—if she had decided not to slash, curse and dash toward the finishing line of bad taste. Why did she choose the potty mouth presentation rather than the squeaky clean high jinx of Carole Burnett or Lucille Ball? Keep reading…’cause the girl can’t help it!

Kathy Griffin has Jupiter in Leo—the ultimate entertainer and show dog—the youngest of five children—this rug rat was going to be heard first, last and louder than the rest of the brood. This expansive, ‘anything goes’ planet of generosity screeching, “I can’t help myself” was dead-on dynamite with her Mercury (how she thinks and how she opens her yap and lets ‘er rip) in Sagittarius. Sags will say anything, do anything and say, “Drop dead, screw you and get out of my &^$@* klieg spotlight, ass….” and then buy you lunch. 

Now for the only straight sentence, or ten, you will get out of me regarding the life and times of outrageous, out-spoken and out-of-her-mind bombshell, the ever-present and here-to-stay Kathy Griffin are these: 1) she will say anything because, like alley cats trolling every night and Baptist preachers’ ‘hell fire and brimstone baptizing ‘only on Sunday’, this dirty-talking teeny tiny combustible engine will not fizzle and fad anytime soon. 2) She says what we would like to say; she takes no prisoners and she identifies, tags and dissects her honest-to-God autopsy report perhaps in a language that offends shocks and awes even the most open-minded amongst us. I was raised by a woman who would not say shi-, even if she had a mouth-full, retching in the ER, but Kathy Griffin was born to run pall mall faster than the mouth can move into the big top saying it like it is—or at least showcasing the world according to Kathy Griffin—and let the chips fall where they may.

For those of you who have been reading these Margaret Wendt-approved irreligious astro-tunes know that I find the power in the prizefighter on the stages of Las Vegas and HBO specials, of the one-and-only, diva of dish and delirium, the Divine Miss M (that would be Bette Midler for those of you who were born yesterday) to be somewhere over the rainbow and in a class by herself. However, whether she is having Lance Bass, he gay, fey and on life-support as an entertainer, rip off her top a la Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl a few years ago or dishing Oprah and her “husband” Gayle King—let’s give it up for Ms. Griffin. Kathy Griffin is peerless and may never make it to the “C” List after terrorizing good taste at the recent A-Listed broadcast which she hosted. But thank God and Elsa Maxwell, Hedda Hopper’s topper, too, she will always be Kathy—ripping and tearing in her lounge act on Bravo or whoever else will have the courage to let her open her mouth and spew, rant and rave and thrill you in spaces you wont explore or dark sides of yourself that are off-limits.

Kathy Griffin, you go girl. And the next time I hear from you, Miss Prim and Proper—not! Could you get down deeper and a little dirtier and a little funnier?

“Now ladies and gentlemen of the jury, may I present the only time you may be able to cleanse your repressed souls with a little bawdy and bathroom humor…here she is, coming ready or not, Miss Kathy Griffin!

LISTEN TO MARGARET WENDT AND ALBERT GAULDEN TALK ABOUT THIS AND OTHER RIBAULD AND OUTRAGEOUS AND THRILLING TOPICS ON SPIRITUAL TRUTHS. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO HAVE YOUR OWN PRIVATE TELEPHONE APPOINTMENT WITH ALBERT, CALL (800) 647-0732.

He is AUTHOR OF Clearing for the Millennium, �Signs and Wonders-Understanding the language of God and You're Not Who You Think You Are-A Breakthrough Guide to Discover your Authentic Self will be published by Atria Books, a division of Simon & Schuster in December of this year.

A member of the National Association of Transpersonal Psychology and the American Federation of Astrologers, Gaulden founded the Sedona Intensive, a personal growth and empowerment program, to help clients retrieve their authentic selves and tap into their inner power.

Gaulden coined the term astroanalysis-a combination of Jungian psychology and astrology-to describe how he helps free clients from compulsions, addictions, and unresolved issues, which keep them from living a life of peace and joy.

Albert saw things others didn't and heard what they couldn't from the age of two. When he was five he asked his mother why she seemed more like his dad and his dad more like the mother. As a pre-schooler he was tuned into the rich world of intuition and past lives even though he had no one to shepherd him through these recollections and recalls. At Birmingham-Southern he click connected with the unique psychological work and world of Swiss psychoanalyst, Dr. Carl Jung and his take on the shadow self. Gaulden believes that all-seeing and all-knowing is born within a child and it is the false and mundane world that erases his memory of what is really true. The integration of the divided self, putting one back together through a conscious fusion with his or her shadow is the underpinning of his work in the Sedona Intensive.

Albert studied with renowned astrology Byrd Knapp, Darrell Harris and Katharine de Jersey, as well as took Awareness Classes with Lee Jones at the Spiritualist Church in Los Angeles in the 70's, and attended the Corrado Academy of Perception in 1978 which led to his meeting actor John Travolta using the tools of manifestation learned at the Academy, and selling John El Adobe de Tajiguas, a 35-acre estate that abutted Ronald Reagan's ranch near Gaviota Beach in Southern California.

Gaulden worked in 1986 with international-best selling author of The Celestine Prophecy, James Redfield in Albert's innovative and one-of-a-kind personal empowerment program, the Sedona Intensive, which he founded in 1982. Albert was hired to use his gifts as an astro-intuitive to help cast Redfield's movie of The Celestine Prophecy.

Gaulden travels the world to teach and speak and finds Egypt particularly one of the most intriguing countries in the world. In December he will be returning with a tour group of clients and friends to the Land of the Nile and Pharaohs and the Great Pyramid of Cheops, the Sphinx and other ancient digs and monuments in Upper and Lower Egypt.

His clients include sports figures, actors, royalty, Wall Street executives, men and women and young people from all walks of life who are eager to face those defects of character that keep them from being who they really are. He rigorously maintains the anonymity of his clients.

Additionally, Gaulden is a motivational speaker on such popular themes as "Mr. Right is Usually Mr. Wrong-Falling in Love With Make-Believe", "Take Your Power Back", "The Power of a Great Idea", the Death of Terror and the Rebirth of Bliss, �"Why Relationships Don't Work but How They Can" and many other provocative topics.