Articles by Margaret Wendt

God knows I have had my share of grief.

 

I have buried a mother, two younger brothers, a nephew, and a husband all within a short number of years.

I loved them all and each one was more of a shock than the last.

My husband, and my brother Jim were the hardest. Imagine that. My little brother just passed away March 13th of this year. He was 49. My husband will be gone 10 years this December; he too died on the 13th. Grief shares my space in life all day long, but I have always had my faith, and make no mistake, I wallow in my grief when I am all alone.

Grief can be all consuming, but faith is instant. It is there the second you need or want it. 

 

Some of you blame God when your loved one is taken from you and so you write and ask if I feel the same way. The answer is NO. I do not blame God. I am not the best Christian in the world, but I do believe in God and still call myself a Catholic. I blame no one. I just grieve and try to hold on to what little faith I have left at that moment.

 

This is how I see it.

 

We spend a good portion of our lives working diligently to acquire those things that make life rich and meaningful--friends, a wife or husband, children, a home, a job, material comforts, money, and security.

What happens to us when we lose any of these persons or things that are so important to us?

 

WE GRIEVE.

We grieve over the loss of anything important. If the loss is great, the very foundations of our life are shaken, and we are thrown into deep despair and deep despondency.

 

I believe that faith plays a major role in grief of any kind, but not in the way some people think. The person without faith often seems to have the idea that a person with strong faith does not grieve in the same way and is not capable of feeling this kind of deep despair. They think that a person with faith can't possibly know what they are feeling. After all, they are the one without this false belief of faith. The only thing they can feel right now is deep despair, grief, and sorrow. How can faith help them. The pain is just too great. They often cry out that religious faith advocates stoicism. "Just look at Rose Kennedy." I hear that all the time. Then they quote the only two words from scripture they can remember, "Grieve not!" They forget to quote the rest of the phrase in which these two words are found, "Grieve not as those who have no hope."

 

But religious faith, at least the Jewish or Christian faith has never said that a truly religious person does not grieve. What it has said is that there are good ways and bad ways to grieve, and that what a person considers to be of most importance in life will definitely affect the way he or she grieves.

 

Grief is a natural part of human experience. We face minor grief almost daily in some situation or another. To say a person is deeply religious and therefore does not have to face grief situations are ridiculous. Not only is it totally unrealistic, but it is also incompatible with the whole Christian message.

 

Christians should know the difference between Stoicism and Christianity. The scriptures, both Old and New Testaments, see grief as normal and potentially creative. I suggest that in this portion of scripture we put a comma after the first word so that it now reads, "Grieve, not as those who have no hope," and then I would add, "but for goodness' sake, grieve when you have something worth grieving about!"

 

This is not a judgment. It is simply something to think about. Too often I receive letters from some of our members who just want to whine. Sometimes spirituality means telling you what you need to think about.

 

Best,

Margaret Wendt