There was a family of six fiercely competitive children and one day the father of this family came into the center to pick up his wife, she was getting a massage.  He saw me in the office and popped his head in to say Hi.  He asked me if he could ask me a few of questions if I had a minute or two.  I said yes and I noticed he definitely was stressed.  As he sat down I noticed he took special attention in moving the arm covers on the chair arm to the specific resting spot before he could allow himself to sit down in the chair.  Thinking on how to reduce his stress, I decided to prepare a cup of Chamomile tea for us both.  Soon after he drank some tea he became more relaxed and told me he wanted to see things from a different perspective and wondered if I had any ideas on how he could do that. One of his challenges was he doubted he ever really hears his daughters or his wife.  He said he feels angry when his wife wants him to listen to her ramblings or complaints.  He said he was also baffled as to why his sons turned out to be dishonest and don’t talk to him except when they want money.  He also said he can’t really go within to get his answers so he couldn’t figure this out on his own and he was not going to go to therapy. Since I knew this man and his family for many years I knew he enjoyed reading so I decided to give him some free advice.

First I asked him how he viewed his father’s personality as being?  He said he was cold and rigid and worked all the time.  I asked him if he thought his father was controlling and he said yes.  I asked him if he thought his own nature was controlling?  He thought for a moment and said, “Yes, I do.”  I said there’s a great book by Patricia Evans called Controlling People. I told him I thought if he read the book he would be able to see himself in the book and he would come to understand why he was unable to listen to his wife and daughters.  I also thought he would be able to see what his sons were reflecting back to him about himself.  We finished our tea and I handed him the book referral written down just as his wife came out from her massage.

It was about a month later before I heard from him and he said he thought he understood now what I knew but wouldn’t tell him directly.  He said here he was in so much fear he had been controlling everyone and everything around him so it was no wonder he couldn’t have intimacy and communication with others.  He proudly announced he had started therapy and was finally enjoying his children and wife.  He said he was finally feeling his feelings and aware of how he had been verbally abusive.  He felt his life was forever changed and I responded back to him, “That’s right, what is revealed is healed!”  I thought to myself, another family saved!