Sometimes in life I think when parents say No it gives young people the opportunity to become self sufficient, become responsible and mature.  The challenge comes when young adults resist the changes needing to take place, resulting in delay which creates more pain. 

An example of this was when a friend of mine asked me to talk to her daughter who had over extended herself financially and the parents did not want to rescue her anymore.  I have known this young woman since she was 3 years old and one thing this young woman showed me was she was cautious to change, was confused on her direction and lived way beyond her means.  I recall when I first became aware of this I wondered how long this would go on before a crisis would develop, turns out it took 3 years.  So when the day arrived and the young lady called me I was excited that she was wanting to reach out.  I intuitively felt the young woman would quickly come up with the answer she needed on what to do and sure enough she did. 

What happened showed me how the younger generations grow when given boundaries.  She spoke about being forced to make a change, a radical shift in her words as she broke down in tears.  She said she had always wanted to live up to her parent’s image of who they were and what they had in life materially.  Recently though she woke up to the fact she was getting herself into deep debt trying to give herself the things her parents used to give her.  She felt like she was losing out in life if she didn’t give herself all these things she wanted.  She said now that her parents have said “No more money” she felt like the only logical answer for her was to move out of her expensive apartment and move into a less expensive apartment with a roommate.  She said she didn’t know why she couldn’t live the lifestyle of her parents. 

I asked her, “What income is required to maintain the lifestyle of your parents?”  She said from her point of view she only saw them as having money and possessions, she had never done the math on what it took to provide that lifestyle.  Suddenly her whole demeanor changed, it was like an attitude adjustment was taking place before me.  It took about a minute for her to speak and then she said she had been wasting her creative energy missing the shopping sprees with her mom when all along she should be earning the money to give herself the things she wants.  I said if you give yourself what you want in life then you walk away with pride and self esteem.  You are self sufficient and can rely on yourself for what you want.  And she blurted out, ”And not dependent anymore!”  And I said yes.

The last I knew is she started working for herself and also had a part time job to supplement her income. With great self respect she has found a rewarding way to earn the monies she needs which takes her to the lifestyle she desires.  She learned responsibility when her parents said No.  Saying No was a win-win for this family!!!  God Bless the parents for giving their daughter limits.