Once one of my students came to me and started to vent his feelings about people crowding into his space.  I liked this young man and his mother as they daily worked on achieving better communication skills.  And I knew with their forward thinking and desiring for better communication, they were going to achieve it no matter what.  This young man, I will call him Steve, felt like the home he was sharing with other young men was not good for him, yet it was a good location for his school and his part time job.  He thought he was unable to express himself clearly to his roommates and it was becoming a serious problem.  He was about ready to become forceful and he didn’t want to do that as that made him feel like he was failing at communicating. 

I said to him, ”Do you like your bedroom, is it comfortable, have you personalized your room so it vibrates your frequency?”  I said, ”Have you made it your cave?”  He said no.  Part of the problem was he couldn’t feel comfortable in his own space because he had constant interruptions, people taking his things and not enough reflective time or study time.  He said the constant interruptions reminded him of home except he had more quiet time to himself when he was at home.  I said, ”Have you thought about posting a sign on your door about what your ‘Do Not Interrupt’ times would be so you could study and recharge yourself?”  He said no, he hadn’t thought of that.  So he rushed out the door, purchased his sign, a lock for his door, a pair of ear plugs and from these actions was able to focus on himself so he could recharge and have the proper amount of study time. 

A few months after our conversation he sent me a note thanking me for my suggestion to create his cave and to establish his boundaries to his roommates.  He even purchased a mini refrigerator for his food so he could snack and study without interruptions.  He said that I had really helped him realize how important it is to state your boundaries and have your own personal space respected.  He said now he feels calmer, more rested and his grade average was better.  After receiving his note I decided to make a few more changes of my own in my private space areas and sure enough I did notice feeling more calm. Do you have your own private space to recharge in?  Sure works for me!